An Overview of the Mediation Process:  In mediation, a neutral, impartial mediator helps the parties solve problems and make decisions outside of court through an informal (but organized), practical, voluntary, and confidential process. 

Mediators are not like judges—they do not make the decisions.  Instead, they help parties gather and analyze needed information, understand and evaluate options and their consequences, and have productive discussions until a thorough, clear, fair, and informed agreement is reached that is acceptable to both parties, eliminating the need for an adversarial court process.  In a way, mediation is like having a mutual friend (who happens to know a lot about family law!) guide you through the divorce process.

Location: My mediation sessions take place on Zoom or in my Montpelier office.

Pace: Mediation can be spread out over months or concentrated in a short burst.  The length of the whole process will depend on the preferences of the parties, the number and complexity of the issues that need to be resolved, the parties’ ability to track down needed information (homework, essentially), the amount of disagreement, and the personalities involved. 

Mediation session format: My mediations are typically a blend of full meetings (both parties and me in the same conversation) and private conversations/check-ins (just one party and me).  Even if full meetings are going well, I will typically check in with each party privately during a break and sometimes between mediation sessions.  In some cases, mediation is entirely a series of private conversations (sometimes called “shuttle mediation”). 

When is mediation a good fit?:  I think mediation is appropriate for most situations.  Mediation is of course more likely to be successful if the parties’ disagreements and level of conflict are relatively mild.  But difficult mediations are often successful too.  And when they are, they prevent or end a stressful, unpredictable, and expensive (sometimes extremely expensive) court process that tends to increase conflict and hostility and set the stage for more trouble later.  This is a big potential win that justifies the risk that mediation will be unsuccessful.

On an individual level, mediation is more likely to be successful if you are…

• willing to work and learn.  In mediation, the parties do most of the heavy lifting in building a divorce agreement from the bottom up.  In order to make informed agreements, spouses need to learn things they may have glossed over during the marriage.  For example, in many marriages one spouse is mostly responsible for dealing with financial issues.  In mediation, the other spouse will have the opportunity to learn and catch up. 

• sincerely interested in reaching an out-of-court agreement.  When a party is simply going through the motions and not really trying to find solutions for difficult issues, mediation is of course less likely to be successful. 

• willing to agree.  This might sound odd since agreement is an obvious goal of mediation, but some people are so used to disagreement, disappointment, and conflict that they miss opportunities to solve problems.  Be prepared for the possibility that mediation could be successful.

• willing to disagree.  Even though mediation is about trying to reach agreements, it is important that you not excessively agreeable about important topics because you want to avoid conflict or are intimidated by the other party.  For example, if you want to raise your children on Earth and your spouse wants to raise them on Mars, it is not a good mediation outcome if you cave immediately and agree to Mars or are too willing to compromise (the Moon).

There are some situations, or people, that aren’t a good fit for mediation, and we will discuss that during your free consultation if you are interested in mediation, along with any other questions or concerns that you have.   

Mediation while the court process is moving forward:  In some cases, parties attempt mediation while the court process is chugging along toward an eventual trial.  If mediation is successful, the court case ends.  In other cases, parties attempt mediation before anyone has filed for divorce or a post-divorce modification.  For these folks, a successful mediation likely means that their first, last, and only interaction with the court will be mailing or dropping off the completed divorce agreement and paperwork.

Agreements are considered tentative until signed:  When the parties have reached a tentative agreement, I will recommend that you take some time to reflect and run things by an attorney if you wish.  After reflection and feedback, there may be a few wrinkles in the proposed agreement that need ironing.  When both parties are ready to make their agreement official, the final form of the agreement is prepared and signed. 

Attorney review: Some parties consult with an attorney before mediation begins or between sessions to prepare for a successful experience.  Some parties a tentative agreement they have reached in mediation before they sign.  This is a great way to make sure the agreement is as fair, thorough, and clear as you expected.  Attorneys typically don’t participate in the mediation sessions themselves, but they can by agreement of both parties and me. 

Questions?  Concerns?  Wondering if mediation might be good option?  We can talk about it during your free consultation.